$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
