So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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