I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
