I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
