Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
