Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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