i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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