This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
