This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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