Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
