my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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