it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
