Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
