Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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