why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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