I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
