twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
