Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
