i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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