you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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