I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
