New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
