He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
