I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
