This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
