then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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