I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
