how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You don't make any sense
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