Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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