: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
