I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
