um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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