My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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