there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
