member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
