she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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