My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
