Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
