I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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