Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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