yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
