Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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