i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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