Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
