what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I cut my penus on the lid.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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