I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am naked and annoyed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
