So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
