love makes seman taste better
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Come see our sink grown plant.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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