so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Found your dick twin last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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