Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
