hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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