we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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