I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
