I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
